A lot of blogs do live-blogs and I’ve always wanted to do one of those. You can’t really live-blog while eating a sandwich so it doesn’t really fit the format for food. Well, I could, but it wouldn’t be that exciting and my keyboard would have permanent mustard stains. So I figured that the 82nd Oscar Awards is a good enough time to try one. The last few years have been PAINFULLY boring, so hopefully a live-blog will make it less so. Although this isn’t really live, since I’m posting this a few hours after the show aired and I’m going off Tivo.
– Quick red carpet notes: Sandra Bullock looks good, Anna Kendrick’s peach tone makes her look more white (but I’d still do her), Mariah Carey’s boobs are about to fall out and Zoe Saldana looks like she skinned some Muppets and gave it to Frank Gehry for a design.
– To jazz up what is usually a dull broadcast, the Oscar open with… all the best actor and actress nominees walking out on stage and standing around doing anything. We are in for an exciting night!
– Neil Patrick Harris officially opens yet another award show with a musical number in a sequined tuxedo jacket. This truly is the gay Super Bowl.
– I’m assuming Harvey Weinstein sold the set of “Nine” to the Oscars for a quick cash infusion? How else to explain that introduction of Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin?
– They’re milking the “let’s see who’s in the crowd and riff on them” gag to the breaking point, and then it went beyond that. Cue one of George Clooney’s many reaction shots.
– The film clips shown with each nominees are a lot longer than previous years. So this is why they cut the Best Original Songs performances.
– “Up” wins best animated film.
– “The Weary Kind” wins best song. This is one of the better Oscar-winning songs in recent years, reminiscent of “I’m Easy” from “Nashville.”
– Award shows now trot out Robert Downey Jr. like a New Jersey housewife pulls out a blender to make margaritas durin lunch. He comfortably and half-assedly slipped into the same bit, i.e the Golden Globes and Grammys.
– “The Hurt Locker” wins best original screenplay. There will be no consolation prizes for Quentin and Harvey.
– Whoa, an Oscar tribute to John Hughes. I went to the same high school that he went to, Glenbrook North in Northbrook, IL, and that was the place that inspired “Ferris Bueller” and “The Breakfast Club.” He hated GBN and cut all ties with his alma mater. His movies were so in tune with our formative years. This is a very long tribute for Hughes considering that there are a lot of other dead celebs in the “In Memoriam” section. But since it’s for Hughes, I’m on board.
– You know, most people would criticize Elinor Burkett, co-producer of best short documentary winner “Music for Prudence” for barging in late and cutting off director Roger Ross Williams’ acceptance speech. Not me. This could be the only time she wins one of these. I’d tell my filmmaking partner to shut his/her trap if they were cutting into my time. This proves that white people can be just as crazy as Kanye West at award shows.
UPDATE: There seems to be some disagreement between Williams and Burkett and it all blew up on, of all places, the Oscar podium. Williams even admitted that “she pulled a Kanye.”
– Ben Stiller in Na’vi makeup was funny. “Star Trek” wins best makeup for making pointy ears out of latex.
– Remember when “Up In the Air” was the best picture favorite. When Hollywood shits on you, they REALLY take a dump all over. And so “Up In the Air” is destined to be an afterthought after not winning the one it was supposed to. “Precious” pulls off a surprising upset in best adapted screenplay and writer Geoffrey Fletcher gives us the first moving moment with his acceptance speech.
– Lauren Bacall, still glorious at 86, gave us some needed moments of levity. And I’m bemused that Roger Corman, the king of influential schlock, gets an Oscar. Good for him.
– Mon’ique wins best supporting actress, which was a lock.
– “Avatar” wins best art direction, proving that computer animation can in fact, replace human carpenters in building a set.
– “The Young Victoria” wins best costume design. When in doubt for best costume in your Oscar pool, always choose the period film with the word “Victoria” in the title. Sandy Powell, who’s now won three, isn’t even hiding her smugness.
– There’s a montage for horror films and “Twilight” is included for some reason. Yeah, like that’ll convince young people to watch the Oscars.
– Somehow, I got both sound categories right in my Oscar pool.
– Demi Moore intros a montage of other people not named John Hughes who died in Hollywood this past year.
– “Avatar” wins best cinematography on the same weekend that “Alice In Wonderland” earns 110 gazillion dollars. Get used to wearing 3-D glasses at movies, America.
– Why is there an interpretative dance number in lieu of the original songs? It’s like I’m watching So You Think You Can Dance and, oh right, the producer of that show is also producing this year’s Oscars. A performance of “Crazy Hearts”>hip-hop dance moves to “The Hurt Locker” score.
– “Up” wins best score and the acceptance speech was the most positive one of the night.
– “Avatar” wins best visual effects. Duh.
– “The Cove” wins best documentary. My friend Duncan wondered why there were no Asian films nominated. Well Duncan, here’s one for you.
– Tyler Perry makes a joke about how this is the only time his name will be mentioned at the Oscars, and that’s kind of true. There is a Snuggie skit. The writers officially stopped trying.
– “The Hurt Locker” wins best editing and I agree with that.
– I had no idea Pedro Almodovar spoke English that well. “The Secret of our Eyes” wins best foreign film over “The White Ribbon,” further proof that the Academy like their subtitled films warm, gushy and not too serious.
– WHY DID THEY BRING BACK THE HORRIBLE SCHTICK OF HAVING OTHER ACTORS PAY TRIBUTE TO THE NOMINEES?! The show, which was plodding along, is now agonizing at this point. Jeff Bridges wins. He officially coopted the Dude as his persona.
– Sandra Bullock wins, and the Academy continues their trend of coronating starlets as queens (Kidman, Robert, Theron, Berry…) Her acceptance speech was very Sandra, alternatingly genuine, disarmingly funny and somewhat disingenuous. Oprah’s touching words for Gabourey Sibide was the one cool moment from the otherwise horrible tributes.
– Kathryn Bigelow wins best director, the first woman to win this award. Good for her, she’s always had a hard time being taken seriously as a director of action films in Hollywood. Let’s see if this actually gets her more jobs.
– And “The Hurt Locker” takes down mighty “Avatar,” and Hollywood gleefully gives the finger to James Cameron. I picked “Avatar” so I’m out $5.
And, I’m done and awards season is officially done. This year’s Oscars was about 87% less gayer than last years’ extravaganza. I did find this years version less painful than the previous two; it was less bloated, moved a bit faster and I was actually able to watch this one in it’s entirety. I hope everyone enjoyed the festivities. Now we can go back to reading about our stars on TMZ.