1 bowl of Frosted Flakes
1 cup of ice cream topped with a Cadbury egg
1 glass of water
Cadbury Creme Eggs, by their inherent nature, are fucking awesome. It’s chocolate encasing two kinds of sugar in a festive egg shape. Actually, the inside is just sugar, with the center dyed yellow. But I like to think that it’s different, and I’m eating an aborted chocolate bunny, just like a real egg. In England, McDonald’s serves a Cadbury Creme Egg McFlurry. Holy. Crap. Why did we not steal this idea from the British? We didn’t have to throw away all shackles of British colonialism after the Revolutionary War. We could’ve at least kept Cadbury Creme Egg McFlurrys and topless page three girls.
If there’s one good thing about us Americans though, it’s our ability to innovate. We’re the frontier type. Doing my best Daniel Boone imitation, I decided to make my own Cadbury Creme egg McFlurry. In other words, I mashed an egg into a cup of vanilla ice cream and ate it. Was it good? MY GOD YES. The only crappy part was the sugar; it congeals when it’s cold so it stuck to my spoon like a lollipop. That still meant I had an Cadbury-creme-and-ice cream lollipop. As Lil Wayne once eloquently said, “He’s so sweet, so I let her lick the rapper. Shawty said l-l-lick like a lollipop.”
10 frozen dumplings
1 glass of water
So the good people at Roland gave me a $350 Fissler pressure cooker to test out and write about on their website. So what’s the first thing I make with this thing? Frozen dumplings. That’s like taking a Ferrari out to the corner 7-11 for Fritos Red Hots and a six-pack of Miller High Life. Nevertheless, I cooked my $3 bag of dumplings in the pressure cooker. It took five minutes, as opposed to the 10-15 it would’ve taken boiling it. So I have about 5-10 minutes using this $350 contraption. Pretty cool. Nevertheless, I am planning on taking it for a real test drive soon with real food. Like Dinty Moore’s beef stew, perhaps?