Tag Archives: football

Feb. 7, 2010

7 Feb

9 am

1 bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats cereal

12 pm

6 piece California Roll

1 bottle of water

1 pm

1 mandarin orange

3:30 pm

chips and dips (tortilla chips, Doritos, Pirates Booty, spinach dip, jalapeno and cream cheese dip)

1 bottle of Newcastle beer

1 bottle of Flat Tire beer

And the gluttony begins…

4 pm

1 scoop of Frito pie

6 baby back ribs

1 bottle of Newcastle beer

My friend Brian and his wife Jessica hosted a Super Bowl party. They set out a bowl of ribs the same way one sets out a bowl of potato chips, for snacking purposes. I don’t know why people don’t do this more often. I gnawed on six of those things before it was gone. As a side dish, I ate a scoop of Frito pie, which could be the single fattiest concoction ever devised by mankind. I’ll write more about this tomorrow.

5 pm

1 pulled pork sandwich

This was pork course #2 in our day-long feast. I love meals where two courses revolve around pork. There was also cole slaw but we forgot about it, which was too bad. I like cole slaw as a side, but like it even more as a condiment. You put a scoop of that in your sandwich and it’s heaven. And you don’t need a fork to eat cole slaw if it’s a condiment. You can hold a sandwich in one hand and use the other to shovel cheese dip onto a chip.

BTW, the commercials were horrible this year. Doritos, you are unfunny as fuck. Hyundai? Stop playing classical music in the middle of a football game (although Brett Favre in 2020 was decent). Budweiser? How much money did you spend on forcing middling comedy down on throat? It’s like NBC spending millions on Jay Leno. Speaking of which…

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Who knew that this, and not the Tim Tebow anti-abortion ad, would be the biggest WTF moment of the day (well, next to the onside kick, Pierre Garcon’s drop and Peyton’s horrible interception). I don’t know what to think. I was on Team Coco and like Dave, but seeing Jay in this was amusing, and it’s been a long time since I can claim that about Leno.

Anyway, commercials sucked this year. By the fourth quarter, we ended up watching the Puppy Bowl in lieu of commercials. Cuteness! Except for Fava the labrador, who I thought would kick ass on that field. Instead, he was lazy and full of disappointment. He’s like the Reggie Bush of Puppy Bowls.

7 pm

1/2 slice of pecan pie

I bought pecan pie to fit the Southern theme of this meal (New Orleans, Mannings, ribs, pulled pork). I didn’t realize that people don’t care for pecan pie. To that, I say bullshit. Pecan is highly underrated and a great pie if given the chance. Admittedly, I’ve only been to the South once and my preconception of that part of the country is from “Steel Magnolias” and “Mississippi Burning.” But I bet they’d love a slice of pecan pie if given the chance.

Speaking of New Orleans next two weeks there is going to be SKULL-FUCKING CRAZY. This video makes me want to drive down there RIGHT NOW. Hell, I’m not doing anything for the next two weeks, I can make it there in three days. I hate bandwagon jumping fans, but if that bandwagon involves two weeks of non-stop drinkng and public flashing of boobs for beads, I will hop on. May Bourbon Street be coated with drunken vomit and errant bodily fluids, and may everyone be ecstatic about that possibility.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

As for the Colts, it’s good to see the wincing Manning face return. It’s been a while, old friend!

Jan. 24, 2010

24 Jan

9:30 am

1 bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds

12:30 pm

6 pieces of unagi roll

4 pieces of squid tempura

1 bottle of water

2 pm

1 Asian pear

1 mandarin orange

7 pm

lots of kalbi

bowl of rice

side of kimchee

1 bottle of water

This isn’t a football blog so I’m not going to write about either the Colts-Jets or Saints-Vikings game, which I spent all day watching. As much as I love football, and as archaic as I can get about the minutiae about the games, I know most of my readers don’t care. Instead, I’m going to talk about a related issue that arose right before the Saints-Vikings game: “Pants On the Ground.” Please, no more “Pants On the Ground” references. It’s only been 10 days and I can’t take any more. It was funny at first, but there are way too many variations, including Brett Favre’s. I’ll admit, I thought it was pretty funny that the ol’ gunslinger would lead his team in a “Pants On the Ground” victory chant. As John Madden would say after Favre underhands an interception to an ineligible receiver 8-yards past the line of scrimmage to kill a potential rally, “he’s having fun out there. What a guy!” But Favre and the Vikings then had to invite Gen. Larry Platt to the Saints-Vikings game to lead the entire team to a pre-game rendition of that song, although it is still more rousing than Prince’s fight song. The Vikings then had to go and stink up the Superdome with three lost fumbles and three interceptions, one inexcusably horrific, by Favre to lose to the Saints. This inevitably led to the following jokes on various message boards:

“Ball on the ground / ball on the ground / lookin’ like a fool with the ball on the ground”

Then there’s this variation:

“Favre’s on the ground/Favre’s on the ground/lookin’ like a fool/Favre’s on the ground”

In other words, we are now at an age where EVERY STUPID PUN is going to somehow tie in “Pants On the Ground.” If I accidentally drop my iphone, someone’s going to say, “phone’s on the ground.” If stocks plunges 100 points tomorrow, someone on Wall Street will exclaim, “Dow’s on the ground.” It’s a horrifying prospect. So please, I urge everyone to please refrain from any “Pants On the Ground” references. It was funny for a brief period, but that time should now pass. I once knew a guy who kept saying “I drink your milkshake” even after “There Will Be Blood” came out on DVD. Don’t be that guy. And don’t be like a certain 40-year-old Vikings quarterback who beats one issue to death, like whether to retire or not, until everyone’s sick of it and couldn’t care less. Please have more dignity than that.

Jacobsohn/Getty

Jan 16, 2010

16 Jan

9:30 am

Oaks Gourmet

raspberry-polenta scone

1 medium coffee

2 pm

whole 8″ inch pizza with pepperonis, mushroom and onions

4 cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon

3 cans of Bud Light

handful of Ruffles potato chip with sour cream dip

DEAR GOD, THAT’S A LOT OF FOOD. Granted, all the food and alcohol listed above was consumed over a six-hour period. That’s not too inhuman, I guess. But I still felt like I was being force-fed for my fatty foie gras liver or something. My friend Adam got a pizza stone as a gift from his wife, and he therefore made each of his guests an individual 8″ pizza, complete with homemade crust. Fuck Domino’s new pizza recipe (Oh, you brushed garlic butter on your cardboard crust? I can lick an empty Papa John’s pizza box and get the same horrible taste) It’s a lot better to have a friend who can make a pizza from scratch.

We ate a copious amount of food while watching the NFL Divisional Playoff games on Saturday. You know why we ate and drank so much? Because all the games sucked. You’d think God would love Kurt Warner enough to make his team somewhat competitive against the Saints to keep us somewhat entertained. Instead, he gets knocked on his ass and out of the game en route to a 45-14 ass-whomping. It was just like that upcoming movie, “Legion.” Both the Cardinals-Saints game and that movie involve pious gentleman. And I’d rather shove an epee in my eye socket than watch either of them. Your God made me drink seven cans of cheep beer, Kurt Warner!

7 pm

2 chicken nuggets

handful of french fries

Adam also owns a deep fryer. Where did he register for his wedding gifts? Shakey’s Pizza?

10 pm

Joxer Daly’s

3 bottles of Bud Light

I’m going to post this Band of Horses song, which sums up the day, I guess.

Dec. 14, 2009

14 Dec

9:30 am

1 red bean paste pastry

1 cup milk

1:15 pm

Pho Cafe

1 bowl of pho

1 bottle of Coke

My lunch plan with a friend fell through and I ended up at my neighborhood pho spot in hopes of calming the last lingering cough I have. I was originally introduced to Pho Cafe by a former neighbor, of Vietnamese descent who gave the following glowing recommendation, “It’s OK. Better than Gingergrass.” And so it is. The broth is mild with barely a trace of lemongrass, but there is a discerning beef flavor. The primary draw for me to this place is that it’s in my neighborhood. Pho here might not be as good as the ones in San Gabriel Valley, but it’s also a lot easier to get to. The main features for today’s lunch crowd was that every customer (except me) was white and sported a tattoo, flannel shirt, or horned-rimmed glasses. They offer meatballs and tendons, but most of the clientele will stick to steak slices or the tofu and mushroom veggie version. The place doesn’t even have a sign or identifiable marking. You either know it’s whereabout or you don’t. In other words, Pho Cafe is very “Silver Lake.” I will say that my hair was appropriately tousled for the atmosphere.

2 pm

Starbucks

1 tall eggnog latte

You know the holidays are coming up when Starbucks start selling awfully sweet coffee drinks. I’m not a fan of overly-sweet stuff, yet I regularly get them, just to fit into the Christmas spirit. I usually dislike Mariah Carey, but around Christmas, her voice is as calming as a castrato angel. Although I will stab a Santa Claus impersonator if I hear “All I Want for Christmas is You” again. Anyway, egg nog is my favorite of Starbucks’ holiday offering, but I even find that one heavy and overly sweet. But this year is different. Thanks to a tip from Sports Illustrated’s Peter King, I found out that the egg nog latte is made with skim milk this year. It’s a lot lighter, less cloying and much easier to drink. And that was my best Peter King-coffeenerdness impersonation.

6:30 pm

bibimbap

2 cans of Diet Coke

I wish I took a picture of this dish because it can be visually striking. Oh well. I eat it fairly regularly, so I’ll write more about it next time.

Instead, I’m going to rant about the Arizona Cardinals’ awful seven-turnover performance against the San Francisco 49ers. Really? Seven-turnovers? Five sacks? I HOPE YOUR “GOD” DISOWNS YOU AND DAMNS YOU TO HELL, KURT WARNER! And that goes for everyone on Arizona’s offense. BTW, I’m actually a Bears fan. I just had a “friendly” bet on the over/under. Just because it’s a “friendly” outcome doesn’t mean that I can’t wish unpleasant, bleeding diarrhea to strike every member of the Cardinals’ offensive line tonight. I blame Peter King for convincing me that this game would be a shootout. Fuck you, coffeenerd.

9 pm

4 Oreo cookies

1 cup milk

Cookies helped me forget my troubles.

Dec. 5, 2009

5 Dec

11 am

Wendy’s

1 small Frosty

1 small Diet Coke

The Frosty is what happens when you don’t eat breakfast and you’re running really late to a tailgating party. My friend Ryan wanted to make a detour during our long walk to the site and that ended up being a good idea. It seems that I sometimes get “east” and “west” mixed up and I sometimes get a bit too stubborn about admitting that I’m wrong about directions, so it took two hours or so for us to find the tailgate location. This also came into play when I accidentally led my friends around the entire LA Coliseum to get to our seats when our tailgate location was right outside the proper gate. Hey, at least I get us there. So stop bitching.

12:20

4 carne asada tacos

2-3 spoons of potato salad

3 Newcastle beers

1 can of Coke Zero

1 mini chocolate Hostess Donette

The giant platter of carne asada is courtesy of my former cohorts at the Daily Trojan, who organized a reunion at the USC-Arizona game. Reunions are interesting. You see people for the first time in years, and their main memories of you are the stupid shit you did as a 20-year-old. You can be a VP at a large company or a hot-shot blogger who once worked for E!, and they’ll always look at you as the guy who puked and pissed himself at the same time right after a keg stand. Why can’t you people see me for the man I am now?! Honestly, I wrote at the Daily Trojan a year after most of the alums there, so I didn’t know them too well. But thanks to the magic of Facebook, I could see when they had babies or took vacations or couldn’t wait for the workday to end. And we had the shared experience of spending many late hours working on newspapers that half the student population used as makeshift paper towels.

I got a Daily Trojan flashback a couple days beforehand from this profile in the LA Weekly on “Up In the Air” director Jason Reitman. Scott Foundas was my film editor when I edited the Entertainment section. His immense writing skill was evident then, though he had a penchant for turning in 8,000 word articles for a 1,200 word space. I had no idea that Jason was on the staff while I was there; I think he just emailed all his articles in and avoided us staffer types. I guess that didn’t hurt his career. Anyway, reading this article brought back college flashbacks and it continued through the weekend. And all I have to show for my journalism background is this blog.

2 pm

LA Coliseum

kettle corn

Every time I see kettle corn, I buy the biggest bag humanly possible. This one was 4-feet tall. While other former classmates of mine brought their babies to tailgating, I bought this bag of kettle corn. I even named it: Shambo, after that crazy Navy lesbian on “Survivor.” Oh Shambo, you so crazy. Anyway, I always eat half of the kettle corn/surrogate child and give the rest to my mom, who LOVES kettle corn and constantly asks me when she’s getting grandchildren. It kills two birds with one stone. Quite convenient for me.

4:30 pm

2 carne asada tacos

1 mini brownie bite

I’d like to thank the Daily Trojan alums* who organized this for including me in the festivities. And for letting me eat 6 tacos that day. It was good seeing everyone.

Finally, I should acknowledge the general suckiness of USC’s football team this year. Yes, we lost four games and we’re slinking off to the Emerald Bowl, a game I had no idea existed until recently. But, if 8-4 is a failure, then our team is in a pretty good state. I actually worked for the USC football team when Paul Hackett coached there, and they went 6-6. So trust me, it could be a LOT worse. And we’re still better off than UCLA and Notre Dame. With that, if Matt Barkley doesn’t mature and our defense doesn’t improve next year, you can all go to hell. Don’t make me register firepetecarroll.com.

7:30

1 bowl of Total 100% raisin bran

* They also collected donations for the American Brain Tumor Association in memory of Christian Ewell, the former sports editor when we were there. You can contribute here.

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