Tag Archives: Muldo

May 4, 2010 – Gift Wrapping Is the Work of Satan

4 May

Today, I wrote a post for my friend’s blog. Here’s an excerpt.

This past Saturday, I went to a co-ed baby shower for my friends Sherry and Rich, and I dreaded it as the day approached. Not because I have anything against Sherry and Rich, they’re two of the nicest people you’ll ever meet and their future child is lucky to have them as parents. No, I dreaded the moment for a completely stupid, selfish reason.

You see, baby showers entail bringing gifts. Gifts need to be wrapped. I am the worst gift wrapper ever. I HATE GIFT WRAPPING. Some people look at birthday parties, baby showers, Christmas and weddings as joyous occasions. Not me. I think of them as potential pitfall where I might be forced into doing something I’m not good at and revealing my shortcomings as a man. That’s a horrible scenario I can’t live with…

Click here to read the rest.

May 3, 2010 – Eat With Muldo

3 May

Like This!

Today, Ryan Muldowney of Muldo.net is my guest blogger. This is what he ate yesterday. In return, I am writing a guest post for him tomorrow. Check that out as well.

UPDATE: Here’s my post for Muldo.

9:30 am.

1 bowl of generic “Honey Bunches of Oats” with strawberries

It seemed like a good idea to start the day off right with a hearty breakfast.  Instead, I had generic cereal that I opened 5 months ago.  Unless the name brands are on sale, I tend to buy the generic brands since they taste the same for less in price.  I’m not a cereal snob like Jerry Seinfeld.

When I say the cereal had strawberries, I meant the freeze dried kind that came with the cereal, not fresh ones. Surprisingly, they were strangely chewy and the cereal was a little stale.  It was promptly thrown in the garbage even though the box is about 1/5th full.

12:20 pm

1 peanut butter and jelly on 100 calorie buns

2:00 pm

1 mozzarella stick

The mozzarella stick is a snack that has had a renaissance in my life.  It’s a kids snack that I used to enjoy for lunch as a child attending Catholic school.  They’re the perfect size, and are tasty.  Just don’t eat too many of them or you might end up having a run in with a nun in the boys bathroom.

One day, I was in the restroom after lunch.  I did my business and reached into the toilet paper dispenser, but nothing was there.  Panicked, my 6-year-old brain decided the best thing to do was to waddle to the paper towel dispenser without putting my pants on, and wiping in plain view of anyone that happened to enter the room.

I moved next to the sink and, seconds later, Sister Mary Jude came in and horrifically asked what I was doing.  I froze, and she made me clean up quickly and go back to class.

And that’s how a nun saw my bare ass.

4:15 pm

1 banana

I always buy a bundle of bananas when I go shopping.  They’re healthy and a good snack.  Without fail, there’s always one banana that goes bad before I can eat it.  Even though it seems like I eat them daily, I can never finish that bundle.  It would be perfect if I could make banana bread, but since I’m far too lazy to do that, they end up in the garbage.

8:00 pm

1 bag of shrimp stir fry

Again, I was too lazy to cook something home made, so I went with a pre-made, frozen stir-fry meal.  It includes lots of veggies and I like baby shrimp as much as any other red blooded American man.

I overcooked the contents in the skillet in fear of undercooking the shrimp.  The finished product was a little mushy, but it’s nothing that Siracha sauce couldn’t cure.  The package said it had 3 servings, but that’s bullshit.  I had to eat the entire damn bag to feel satisfied.  Sure, it was 90% of my sodium intake for the day, but it also meant no leftovers to put away and fewer dishes to clean.  I’ll take that trade off anytime.  It’s also a feeling of accomplishment to eat an entire bag of something in one sitting.

11:20 pm

1 handful of almonds

1 glass of almond milk

I concluded the day with a real hankering for almonds.  Unfortunately, I had no almond butter to complete the trifecta.  But two out of three ain’t bad, just like Meatloaf said.  Now that I mentioned it, meatloaf would be tasty right now.  Hmm.

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